What did I just do?Sarah kisses me deeply and I return it. Though I feel very guilty about all of this. She whispers in my ear, “Thank you, Lizzy,...I have wanted this since we played at the park. Can we be friends, and not let anyone know about this?”I don’t know how to reply. Then I do. “Sarah, I have to tell my Daddy about this, me being bad this way and take whatever punishment he feels I deserve. I did like it all, it was something I never experienced before, but am not sure about any. Even now, after losing one breast-and thinner than she had ever been-she was still beautiful to Shannon."I won't do it again." She had told Shannon when the cancer had returned, "Fuck the hospital. I'll take it as it comes, and die at home if I have to."She'd had to. There, just this morning on their couch. They'd both known it was coming today. You could feel it in the way Molly woke up-in how weary she was.Weary of sickness, but not life."Fuck me." She'd whispered that morning as the two lay. "I was not meaning all in the same room silly," said Fiona."I know that but still...." Kelly pondered."Well can you see what Trevor thinks and I will speak to Steve about it?" pressed her mum."Yeah, I will probably mention it when he next has his cock in me," giggled Kelly."Good idea, I will probably do the same with Steve," confirmed Fiona.It was quite likely that Steve would be up for the idea, in more ways than one, but not so certain was Trevor's reaction.Kelly, as she had suggested, did. I was utterly devastated and almost inconsolable. My familyrallied round - Mom, Dad, and my brother Brian - but thoughthey were a comfort, it wasn't enough. I know they wereworried about me in the early days, convinced that in mygrief I might do something stupid, but there was never anydanger of that. I didn't want to join Janine in death; Iwanted her to rejoin me in life. I was only 22 years-old. I wasn't supposed to be a widower. Still, at theirinsistence, I gave up the tiny apartment Janine.
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