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It’s not about dying, it really isn’t. It can be a cry for help but for most it’s to help cope with emotional pain. It’s a completely stupid...way to cope; I’ll be the first to admit that. But I will also admit that it worked unfortunately. Like any other addiction, soon your normal ‘fix’ isn’t enough. You have to cut more or sometimes find something else to hurt yourself with to feel the same effects. It’s completely fucked up. I’m lucky in that I didn’t actually get that far. I did stop. " How was your date?" asked Betty the next day."Ok," I said no committal, in fact there had been no reply when I had rung her number, but I left a message."I bet you fucked the arse of the slut," she laughed."Yeah something like that," I lied."You going up to the house now?" she asked."Yeah, I thought I would," I smiled, "see how things are going." Tom's still away so I expect she be gagging for it by now," she giggled."Hi Bill," said Lucy and she hugged me, "Tom's away, should be back tomorrow. He returned to my legs and following the same toe sucking procedure he spread them even further. I moaned under my breath unsure if he could hear me say, “Oh my God.” Once again he began massaging my back with one hand while adeptly using the fingers of his other hand. He explored up under the towel towards my heat. My legs were now spread wider. I was so hot and wet by now that it was a dead giveaway. He traced the words with his finger in my back that said, 'I love you.' At this point I lost. Connor looked up from his seat at the bedside. ‘What’s wrong?’ She ran a hand through her hair. ‘I don’t remember this!’ ‘Langdon, babe, you need to give it time.’ He took the journal from the bed. ‘That’s all I have, Connor. Time. I’ve nothing to do but sit here and stew over the fact that I don’t remember it.’ She dropped her head back against the pillow. ‘And it’s just creepy reading things that I’ve written when I don’t remember it.’ ‘I can see why that would be weird.’ He frowned slightly..
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