Art took a long look at me before saying, “Well sadly, we can’t have you sitting around naked over here. I think the flight attendants wouldn’t ...ike that. Would they Ben?” I looked at Ben who had his mouth wide open as if he couldn’t believe what I had disclosed to the two of them.“However,” he continued, “I think you can take off your underwear without anyone noticing my dear. That might help you feel a little less constrained. Don’t you agree, Ben?”“Hehe, that would be sooo naughty.” I. “It’s good to see you again darling. Did you miss me?” he asks warmly. “Go to hell, you bastard,” is the best I can muster on short notice. “That’s no way to greet your true love. I’ve made special preparations for your visit. I hope you can stay all weekend. I’m sure you’ll want to after you see the new equipment I have – I’ve spared no expense for you, my darling.” Regaining my faculties, I spew all the venom I can, “Leave me alone you cock-sucking, mother-fucking, pile of steaming dog. Anyone who calls me Candy gets what's coming to her. Unless it's a boy. Boys I forgive everything.I love boys. I knew it long before I left St Ursula's, even though I'd hardly spoken to one and had never seen one at school. If the teachers had their way, we'd be taught there was no such thing as a boy. But I just knew, lying in bed, that the cosy, tingly sensations and honey moisture I woke up to had something to do with boys. After all, the feelings were in those places where boys are supposed. I had wondered why when she decided that we needed a trial separation she packed up and left me in her house instead of asking me to leave. Now I knew. If I was still in the house I would obviously be expecting her to come back. I would obviously see this separation as something that wasn't going to last.Next, I closed out my 401(k) at work, paid the penalty and the squirreled away the cash. Then I sat back and waited on the private detective's report.The one thing I couldn't figure out how to.
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