"That killed the conversation, so the two of them sat there and staredahead, thinking about the events of the past hour or so, and tried not tolose co...trol. They were both only marginally successful. It didn't helpthat they both knew, somehow, without doubt, that their twin was just astroubled. It made things worse in ways, but it also kept them fromactually losing control, because they knew that if they did, so wouldtheir twin, and then they would both be dead.It was a relief for them both. Eric held a tray in his hands and he was whistling a tune which quickly died in his lips when he looked up in time to see Shanice approaching him. They nearly collided into each other had she not seen him first and forced her legs to step on the soles of her brakes. ‘Wow there!’ Eric too brought him himself to a stop, though it didn’t stop Shanice from slightly bumping into the tray but not spilling off anything. ‘I thought you’d still be asleep?’ ‘I woke up and thought you had gone,’ she said. The comments pretty much boiled down to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failure."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so self-consciously self-contradictory, self-vaunting and self-evasive, I hardly know where to begin. So I'll won't begin.. Aur leena bhi keh rahi thi ki chat kute chat meri chut ko chat. Mujhe uske muh se aisi baaten sunkar bahut maza aa raha tha. Leena ne apni gaand uchaalni shuru ki aur mere muh par jhar gayi. Leena ki chut se pani tap tap gir raha tha. Maine use kaha, leena bhabhi aap tau dau baar jhad gaye par mera lund abhi bhi nahin jhara tau leena ne ghutnon ke bal hokar mera lund muh main lekar chusna shuru kiya. Leena sachmuch main ek acchi lund chusne wali sabit hui. Usne mera pura lund muh main daal liya.
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