It's not that he didn't care about me, he just didn't care about me more than he cared about work. To Marcos, his best girl will always be his job."Br...ak's over." James waited back on the set, camera in hand. Trudy did a couple of last second things with my hair, gave me a judging squint, and approved my dismissal."I look amazing," I told her, puckering my lips to her reflection.Trudy blew me a kiss and gave a thumbs up.In a matter of seconds, the camera was flashing at me, and I watched Marcos. No self awareness, no thoughts to run through my head ceaselessly. If I didn’t have such a manic mind I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. I have been trying to think of the moment that started this grand decline I am stuck in. The despair seemed to start setting in right after hurricane Charley. I knew I was in trouble then. I was too preoccupied with Ginny to really pay things any attention. If I go through with this she will be hurt more than anyone. When my pain stops hers. "Many people use the cane sensuously like this too. It focuses the mind on the area to be beaten. Some people say it enhances pain to know that it is coming. Anticipation is a powerful tool, where pain is concerned." Yes, I see, but please don't -" But before I could say more she gave me another single stroke, much harder this time, the cane making a whooshing noise before it bit. I let out another involuntary scream and tugged at the chains. My breathing became fast and erratic as I struggled. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I began to understand that my mom made what she thought was the best decisions she could. Once, I understood that she had done her honest best I couldn’t stay angry at her.I thought I would share a bit of her back story. It starts with my grandmother. The location is the mountains of Kentucky. The year is 1907 and at the age of 18 she is getting married. The man is abusive so she divorced him. Due to the harsh living conditions, she outlives a couple of.
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