I knew then that I needed extra relief and as I could not wait fortonight to be with my girlfriend, Sally, I would have to use my sissy,Janine. I dial...d his number on by my mobile and told him that I would beat his place in 20 minutes.Janine was standing in the corner of his bedroom when I finally arrivedto let myself into his flat. Like an obedient little girl he had followedthe rules and was wearing what I had told him to wear and was standing inthe correct, designated spot. I put my bag of. I have been existing but only because I was too weak to take my own life. I know this letter will give you many sleepless nights but really, you were just kids who did not know better. Don't beat yourself over it.I have lived through many nights when I would think that people offered mercy to rabid dogs and hoped that my children would even show as much mercy on their father who was dying all alone in his empty house, but after some time even that hope faded. I remember, my father took my face. I mean, the very ideahe was going to give me advice started to make me feel a little angry athim because it was going to force me into this stupid corner where to getout I'd either have to play stupid like I didn't know all of this stuffalready, or else I'd have to go defensive and justify myself, even thoughit was like he was telling me he didn't think I should have to. I toldhim, "I don't hate myself." Really?" Yes. It's just--" Look, it's cool you like girls. I mean, I know it's not like. ..I... don't know what to say.” “Do you think....that …. even with my past.... Do you think I am beautiful?”, she said hesitantly, a hopeful look in her eye. I gazed deeply into Sylvanas's eyes, I saw the pain of her past, the depth of her sorrow and the hopefulness she dared to let out in the words she spoke. I looked her up and down, my heart beating harder and faster. I drew in a breath of awe. She was indeed beautiful, the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld. No matter.
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